Eldercare Locator can help find services for older adults; Caregivers Corner

Dear Mary, I don't live in Maryland, but your column appears in my local newspaper. You seem to have a lot of support for older adults and caregivers in your area; how do I find out what's available to me in Oklahoma?

Dear Reader, The Eldercare Locator is a public service of the U.S. Administration on Aging and connects older adults and family caregivers with services in their communities. You can chat with an information specialist by calling 1-800-677-1116 or you can start an online chat by visiting www.eldercare.acl.gov.

Eldercare Locator staff can help you find resources for support services, housing, insurance and benefits, elder rights, health and transportation. You can also find links to long-term care planning information, consumer publications and other helpful information on the website. In addition, the Eldercare Locator website has a link specifically for caregivers (Caregivers Corner).

Thank you for being a long-distance reader!

Dear Mary, My mom is the primary caregiver for my dad who has dementia. He doesn't recognize her anymore although he knows he is married. He is always "looking" for his wife even when she is right in front of him. If we tell him she's right there, he gets upset or starts to argue with us. How do we handle this?

Dear Reader, Whatever you do, don't argue! This isn't about winning an argument (because you won't); it's about reassuring your dad that everything is OK. Any attempt at "correcting" him will most likely put him on the defensive or will make him feel bad because he can tell he's upsetting you.

When your dad asks for your mom, who is in the room, try to redirect him. If there is a picture of both of them in their younger years available, say something to the effect of, "You mean this beautiful lady in the picture?" After a few moments of chatting, try saying, "And here's your lovely bride ready to serve you lunch."

At this time, it may not be an issue of memory but rather of recognition. If your dad's cognitive abilities and memories have regressed to a time 20 years ago, he may not recognize your mother as she looks now. But the memory of his wife is still in his heart.

Keep supporting your mom because it is hard when someone you love doesn't know who you are. Encourage her to do reminiscing activities with him, especially those that involve pictures from their earlier years. Keep in mind that you need to erase the phrase "do you remember ..." from your vocabulary. If he relays a "memory" that didn't really happen, don't correct him. Go with the story. In the long run, it doesn't really matter.

Your goals, at this point in time, are to ensure your dad has the best quality of life possible and to support your mom along her journey.

Dear Mary, My husband is in the later stages of dementia and frequently falls. We use a wheelchair most of the time, but he has fallen out of that and fallen when he is being transferred. His doctor ordered in-home physical therapy, but it is upsetting for both my husband and I because he just can't understand what they want him to do. Should we continue with the PT?

Dear Reader, Individuals with progressive dementias tend to be at a high risk of falling due to physical weakness, visual-spatial problems, gait changes and poor balance. Fatigue, medication side effects, restlessness, hunger, pain, a need to use the bathroom and boredom also contribute to the risk of falling.

Because of the dementia's progression, he can no longer learn something new and he has forgotten that he is not strong or steady enough to get up and walk like he used to. Both of these factors can impede improvement through physical therapy.

For those in the earlier stages of dementia, physical therapy can help with blood circulation, improve gait and help the individual stay physically and socially active. During later stages, a physical therapist can promote improved flexibility to prevent the risk of muscle shortening or hardening, share pressure relief strategies to promote skin integrity, and provide assessments for assistive device needs.

Share your concerns with your husband's doctor; neither one of you should be in a situation where you feel frustrated or upset. The doctor can speak with the therapist to redefine the goals of the therapy. You can ask the therapist to teach you how to help transfer your husband without either of you being hurt.

Please join us on March 14 at the Annapolis Senior Activity Center when physical therapist Ben Ogundipe presents "The Mechanics of Caregiving." Ogundipe will be demonstrating injury prevention strategies related to caregiving duties. You can register online at www.aacounty.org/aging or by calling 410-222-4375.

Questions and comments can be sent to Mary Chaput at the Department of Aging and Disabilities, 7320 Ritchie Highway, Glen Burnie, MD 21061, or by contacting 410-222-4339 or [email protected].

Credit: Mary Chaput - Questions and comments can be sent to Mary Chaput at the Department of Aging and Disabilities, 7320 Ritchie Highway, Glen Burnie, MD 21061, or by contacting 410-222-4339 or [email protected].