How to listen to what your client isn’t saying

By Heather Lindsley

Your client may not always tell you when they’re lost. Instead, you may notice a slight head tilt as you explain the workings of a 401(k) plan, or that they have crossed their arms when you bring up the idea of a long-term care insurance policy.

These small changes can denote that they may be lost in the terminology or may want to disengage from the conversation altogether. These moments show that sometimes what isn’t being said is just as important as what your client is telling you.

This is where an understanding of behavioral finance best serves our work – understanding the client's emotions and using them as a guiding light to identify what matters most. Learning this is crucial in developing an effective financial plan and building a trusting relationship between the client and advisor.

Reading the room

Body language can sometimes speak louder than words. Noticing small changes in the way your client is sitting, their facial expressions or even where they are looking can tell you when your message isn’t landing.

If you notice them leaning backward or crossing their arms, it's often a sign the client has disengaged from the conversation. Maybe the client is shrinking into their chair or searching around the room.

Movements like these often indicate they are unsure of the topic and are embarrassed to ask questions. Use this awareness and knowledge to change your direction and remind them that there are no “stupid questions” in your meeting. Cultivating vulnerability with your client takes patience and open communication.

When I notice the client is uncomfortable or shifting focus, I don’t push on with my explanation, I step back and explain the concept in a different way. For example, when I'm explaining a concept like an annuity, I’ll reframe the conversation by asking what they want to do in retirement or if they have any plans already in place.

Or in some cases, I will simply ask about their family. Many clients feel much more comfortable describing their children or other family members than their retirement plan, but I am still gaining valuable insight into what they find most important.

Modifying my language in this way helps ensure the financial plan reflects their values and reinforces that I’m someone they can trust to guide those decisions.

Navigating life-changing events

Moments for clarity appear in every client interaction, but it is especially important to show up for clients in a candid way when they are faced with major life events. These situations bring with them a range of emotions that often can cloud judgment.

Just as noticing a slight shift in how someone is sitting can help you understand how they are feeling, it’s important to consider the emotions at play during life-altering situations. I aim to show up both as a source of support and as their financial guide, providing as much time and space as they need to heal before making important decisions.

Take, for example, if someone were to lose their parent. While there will certainly be financial implications, my goal is to allow the client to focus on their emotions and be present with their loved ones. I will ensure all necessary logistics are coordinated so that we can take time to re-center before making changes.

While this is authentically how I show care for my clients, this also reaffirms that an advisor can be trusted. I want the client to feel like they can call me when facing these big moments and know they will be taken care of. How you show up during difficult times is often what defines the entire relationship between advisor and client.

My years of experience have taught me that sometimes the most important learnings come from giving your client space to share their emotions. The most meaningful insights can be found in the way they are sitting or the expression on their face. Use your instincts to take a step back and re-evaluate your approach. Does this seem to resonate with the client?

If you’re not sure, flip the conversation and encourage them to ask questions. The goal is to ensure the client feels heard and can trust you for more than just the numbers involved in their financial plan. Building this trust takes patience and action, but it will result in growth for both you and the client.

About the MDRT member
Heather Lindsley is a financial advisor and the owner of Guided Path Financial Services and Retirement Planning. She is also a 12-year MDRT member with 7 years of Court of the Table.