Tips offered to discuss living arrangements

Sept. 16--When people have elderly parents who are growing more frail and forgetful, they often have a difficult time discussing the situation with them and the need to make a change in living arrangements.

Devon Smith, of A Place for Mom, offered some tips for making the process go more smoothly Wednesday during a presentation, "Having the Tough Conversation," at the Anchor Rehabilitation and Healthcare Center of Aiken.

A Place for Mom is a senior care referral service, and Smith gave attendees copies of a handout with suggestions from A Place for Mom's official spokeswoman, Joan Lunden, a former host of the "Good Morning America" television show.

"Pick a good time, a quiet time to have your talk," Smith said. "Don't do it during Thanksgiving dinner. It needs to be more like a one-on-one conversation when there aren't any distractions or other obligations."

Smith also recommended that children share their observations, concerns and feelings with their elderly parents.

"Maybe you've noticed that your mom and dad have been struggling to keep up the house or they aren't buying groceries or throwing away expired food," Smith said. "It isn't easy to address these topics, but your loved ones need to know you care."

In addition, Smith continued, it is important for children to listen to their parents' concerns and wishes and to let them know that they will work with them as their advocates.

Finally, Smith concluded, the conversation should end with a plan.

"This will ensure that there are shared expectations about the next steps," she said. "You also want to make sure that you have an agreed upon plan if your loved ones can no longer make decisions or in the event of an emergency. Maybe your parents aren't interested in making a move right then to assisted living, but you might tell them, 'Let's leave the door open' or 'lets' have a plan on the back burner.'"

Also in the handout distributed by Smith were recommendations for assessing well-being and cognitive ability, financial planning and legal planning.

Dede Biles is a general assignment reporter for the Aiken Standard and has been with the newspaper since January 2013. A native of Concord, N.C, she graduated from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

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