Taking Care of Yourself, Pt. 3

Aug. 27--Our previous articles looked at the stress you might feel when you care for an aging parent or loved one and the insurance and documents you need to make your big job easier. In this last of our three pieces, we look at professionals who might be able to help you and kinds of assistance you can ask for.

This involves:

Asking. Once you start caregiving and feel stressed, a next good step is admitting that you need help -- even to your financial advisor. He or she might well be able to refer you to other professionals experienced in this type of life and money planning, such as elder-care attorneys, counselors or specialists in the range of services involved in long-term care (LTC) financing.

Other good sources of help include members of your family and even the technology available to assist with caregiving. Often it's up to you the caregiver to ask for help; don't expect family or friends to ask you what you need. Asking for help does not mean you're weak or selfish.

The Mayo Clinic recommends that you identify specific areas where you need help and ask if others want to lend a hand in a specific way (you can also pinpoint areas of care where you think others can help most). Also, be direct when asking.

Be prepared for your friend or relative to decline. This doesn't necessarily mean the person is uncaring. He or she may lack the time, feel uncomfortable helping or has other priorities to deal with first.

You can also seek out professional geriatric care managers, essentially coaches to assist with planning, identifying key financial decisions, medical management and housing and safety issues.

Money. Recent surveys indicate that caregivers spend as much as $14,000 annually in caring for an individual -- an amount likely to skyrocket in the future. Professionals can often help you find potential financial resources to defray caregiving expense.

These resources may include:

* LTC or and life insurance policies with cash value or LTC riders.

* Retirement plans such as individual retirement accounts, employer-sponsored plans such as 401(k)s and non-qualified investment accounts that are ineligible for tax-deferred or tax-exempt status.

* A reverse mortgage on your home (these can be tricky and come with many conditions -- check HUD.gov to research the benefits of a home equity conversion mortgage).

Respite. When you need a break, you can enlist formal or informal help. Examples of formal respite care include adult day care or a program at a hospital or through a local social service agency. Informal care consists of a family member or friend to sit with your loved one while you run errands, attend recreational events or just take a nap.

Some adult day-care centers may reduce your cost on a sliding scale, according to your income; Medicaid may also contribute in some states. Generally, adult day-care centers are more affordable than in-home care and allow you to keep working -- alleviating the worry of lost wages during caregiving (see below). You can also contact local colleges and universities to see if students in health care or social services want real experience in LTC.

Resources to find respite and develop respite plans:

* Care.com

* AARP

* Caring.com (both respite and adult day care)

* National Association of Area Agencies on Aging

Your work and health. You probably find yourself doing double duty: caregiver and worker for your employer. According to a Metlife Caregiving Cost Study, employers' costs for full-time workers who are also caregivers reaches as much as $33.6 billion annually nationwide. Studies also find that stress on caregiving employees produces increased work absences and greater spending on prescription medications.

The Family and Medical Leave Act can kick in if you need to take time off to care for a family member: If you worked for your employer for at least 12 months and for at least 1,250 hours, you may be able to take as much as 12 weeks off from work (usually unpaid). Generally your employer must have 50 or more workers for you to take this leave.

Check with your boss to see what other programs, such as flexible hours, your company offers. Caregiver coaching resources can provide tips on how you can bring up this subject with your employer and inform you of your workplace options as a caregiver.

Make time for your own health: Caring.com offers information on healthy food, proper sleep and managing burnout amid what can seem to you like an avalanche of problems.

You have long-term care needs, too.

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Sterling Raskie, MSFS, MBA, CFP, is an independent, fee-only financial planner at Blankenship Financial Planning in New Berlin, Ill. He is an adjunct professor teaching courses in math, finance, insurance and investments. His blog is Getting Your Financial Ducks in a Row, where he writes regularly about investments, retirement savings and financial planning.

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