Caregiver’s Corner: Holiday memories keep loved one alive

Dear Mary, This is the first Christmas for our family without our dear husband and dad. Instead of being sad, serious and sanctimonious, it was decided to do things in his memory: go to places he liked to visit and do the things we have enjoyed together as a family for 50 years.

We buffed, shined and transformed the downstairs into a train garden with a long track extending throughout the whole area. The trains, bought for the boys by their Dad, represent fond memories of many hours spent together.

Though we down-sized the Christmas tree several years ago when my husband was no longer able to cut one down, a small one is decorated with hummingbirds and butterflies that symbolize to us that he is happy in heaven.

We have spent time attending the Washington National Symphony at the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C., visiting the National Christmas tree, and celebrating Christmas in Williamsburg, Va. Some of the time was spent with long-time friends reminiscing together.

Some days were spent making, baking and delivering meatloaves and cookies to friends and neighbors.

Yes, we miss our husband and father very much and wish with every thought that he was still here with us in good health; but it is not to be. However, he is very much alive in the hearts of his sons, his wife, siblings and friends.

Dear Reader, I'm printing your letter as a testament to how love transcends death and how memories keep the person alive. I know it will be a comfort to many readers.

Dear Mary, I am sorry I missed your "Living in the Land of Oz" series this fall.

I have followed your column for several years and would like to know when you will do another one.

Mary, I think it's time for me to find a support group. My husband has Parkinson's disease with dementia and, as you can imagine, our life has changed. Recently I hired 24-hour-a-day caregivers but wonder if there are less expensive ways to care for him. I hope to keep him at home as long as possible.

Thanks for listening and I hope to meet you at one of your talks in the not to long future.

Dear Reader, Good news! There is one more "Living in the Land of Oz" workshop series at the Annapolis Senior Center from 2 to 4 p.m. Tuesdays, Jan. 28, Feb. 4 and 11. Call The Department of Aging and Disabilities to register (410-222-4464 ext. 3043). I hope you can make it.

As you know, I highly recommend support groups. You will meet people in your situation and those that have been or are contemplating 24-hour care. The Department of Aging and Disabilities can supply you with a list of groups in the county.

The Parkinson's Foundation (www.parkinsons.org) and the Alzheimer's Association (www.alz.org) have online caregiver chat rooms available 24-hours a day. The Alzheimer's Association also has a 24-hour helpline (1-800-272-3900) where a live person will answer all sorts of questions including financial.

Yes, 24/7 home care is expensive ... sometimes even more than facility care. Unfortunately, your commitment to keep your husband home entails this expense. If he has long-term care insurance, check to see if it covers home care. If your husband was a veteran he may be entitled to services from the Aid and Attendance program through the Veteran's administration (www.veteranaid.org/apply.php). Another resource is the Alzheimer's Association that has reimbursable funds for care available on a sliding scale fee (410-561-9099). However, they are in the process of handing over the management of this program to local agencies so monies won't be available until after Jan. 1. Put it on your to-do list to call them.

Dear Readers, Wishing you a happy, peaceful, and healthy New Year.