Trump Sues JP Morgan For ‘Nice Bank You Got There, Be A Shame If Something Happened To It’

The president and his lawyers have emerged from under the bridge and announced the target of the next shakedown trollsuit.

JAMIE DIMON, COME ON DOWN!

Trump announced the litigation 10 days ago on Truth Social, insisting that he would never consider a loser like Dimon, the CEO of JP Morgan Chase, to lead the Fed or Treasury. And yesterday he actually filed the thing (h/t Reuters) in local court in Miami-Dade.

It’s real, and it’s spectacularly bonkers.

The gravamen of the claim is that the bank sent Trump a letter on February 19, 2021, six weeks after he sent a mob to lay siege to the seat of government, giving him and his associated businesses 60 days to find someone else to hold their money. This violates Florida’s consumer protection statute … don’t ask how. And then JPMC put Trump’s name on a “blacklist” of customers that it wouldn’t do business with, which is trade libel, despite being true.

“Plaintiffs are confident that JPMC’s unilateral decision came about as a result of political and social motivations, and JPMC’s unsubstantiated, ‘woke’ beliefs that it needed to distance itself from President Trump and his conservative political views,” he claims. This is rather undercut by his own social media post in which he directly links the “debanking” to “the January 6th Protest,” not his “conservative political views.” And anyway, “conservative political views” is not a protected class, a point the complaint tacitly concedes by pointing to Trump’s executive order purporting to make it one in August of 2025 and Republican Senator Kevin Cramer’s reintroduction of a law banning it last year. Florida made a hamfisted attempt to bar it in 2023 when it outlawed ESG, but that was along after the bank gave Trump the boot. Also, the statute provides no private right of action, as Trump helpfully concedes in his complaint.

But Trump is undeterred! He and his libeltroll lawyer Alejandro Brito demand $5 billion for the embarrassment of having to move all that cash “given that Plaintiffs have always complied with all applicable banking rules.” AHEM.

But why bother with the niceties of pleading an actual cause of action when you have the entire regulatory apparatus of the federal government at your disposal and you’ve made clear you’re willing to deploy it against any entity that fails to pay you tribute? The only paragraph that matters is the one where Trump notes that JPMC is “under federal investigation due to its prior history of political debanking and other viewpoint-based debanking.”

Translation: Get out your checkbook, or prepare to be harassed at every turn by an alphabet soup of federal agencies.

Time for another eight-figure donation to the Trump presidential library. Those Qatari bribe jets require a lot of expensive maintenance!

Liz Dye produces the Law and Chaos Substack and podcast.

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As shakedowns go, it's pretty shakey.