Unique St. Cloud therapist helps her clients talk about sex [St. Cloud Times, Minn.]

Oct. 20--Erin McPherson can only shake her head and laugh at some of the reactions she gets when people hear about her work.

It's been almost 17 years since she got her master's degree in social work, and she's been a licensed independent clinical social worker since 2001. For almost a decade, she's been in private practice as a counselor to all people of all ages, couples and families.

In recent years, however, her focus has shifted. While she still treats people for anxiety, depression and schizophrenia, most of her clients now come to her St. Cloud office to discuss physical intimacy issues. Others seek comfort with what she calls "divergent lifestyles," and some have suffered sexual trauma.

In short, McPherson is a sex therapist. She's a rarity -- one of 14 certified in Minnesota by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. She's also one of only three who practice outstate, with the others in Bemidji and Mankato.

"I'm very passionate about what I do because I think there's a huge need for it, and I'm the type of person who just isn't afraid to talk about it," McPherson said. "My husband puts up with a lot. We'll have some friends over or we'll be talking with people somewhere and, later, he'll invariably say 'Most people don't talk about that stuff.' For most people, using the word 'sex' is uncomfortable."

Not for this 52-year-old grandmother who grew up in tiny Alcester, S.D., (population 809) dreaming of a career on the stage. She left her high school sweetheart to earn a theater degree from St. Cloud State University but returned to him and married 29 years ago. Meanwhile, her career has continually moved in different directions.

"I believe in following your path and things just come to you," McPherson said.

She delivered singing telegrams and sold shoes. She became a day care director and, after returning from the East Coast to live in St. Cloud, was a child advocate at Woman House before it became Anna Marie's Alliance.

That experience led her to seek her master's degree at the College of St. Catherine. She was a school social worker, child custody evaluator and worked as a therapist at the Central Minnesota Mental Health Center.

"I wanted to know everything about everything," McPherson said. "People would come in as individuals and couples with intimacy issues or sexual problems and ... I didn't feel like I knew enough about this area and there wasn't much opportunity here to learn more. But there was a huge need."

She switched to private practice and became certified in working with child trauma. Four years ago, she started on the path to become a certified sex therapist. Now she counsels people with fetishes, sexual pain disorders, erectile dysfunction and orgasmic disorders. Some clients identify with the LGBT community. Others have questions about their experience with bondage and domination, or polyamory, "swinging" and open relationships.

"It's all part of my training," McPherson said. "The cool thing about it is it's all cognitive-behavioral. It's all talk. There's no touching in here and you keep your clothes on. This is not 'Meet the Fockers.' There's no touchin' and I don't want to see anything.

"People think sex counseling means you're a sex surrogate or a sex coach. Those are completely different. Even some therapists think it's just talking about intimacy. It's important for people to know sex counseling covers a wide range of issues. It can include things that happen after we have children, as we age, or, for example, what happens to you sexually if you get cancer."

Few therapists

After meeting qualifications including thousands of hours of counseling under supervision, McPherson became board certified this summer.

"It's great to have (McPherson) available there because it's hard to find well-trained people in this area outside the metro," said Eli Coleman, a professor at the University of Minnesota, where he is director of the Program in Human Sexuality. "St. Cloud is not immune to the same sexual issues you find anywhere else."

Coleman, who was one of McPherson's supervisors during her certification, was the first endowed chair in sexual health at the University of Minnesota Medical School.

He also founded the International Journal of Sexual Health.

"People still have a lot of mythology about (sex therapy), but it's become a very well-respected area," Coleman said. "The prevalence of sexual problems have been very well documented. The problem is most mental health therapists or psychiatrists receive very little training in regard to dealing with sexuality. And we have the same problem we have in training physicians for rural areas. There aren't a lot of training opportunities there and people tend to stay where they've been trained. I don't think we're coming anywhere close to meeting the need."

McPherson is inspired to try. She took classes at the University of Minnesota and traveled to Florida, South Carolina and Texas for workshops en route to her certification.

"I wanted to provide something people can't get here," McPherson said. "It's very rewarding. It's awesome, I've found, to have people come in and say that I've helped them. It's my niche."

Referrals, collaboration

McPherson works out of a professional building on Seventh Street South near Technical High School. She doesn't advertise as a sex counselor because not everyone who comes in has sex issues. A large waiting room leads to a book-lined office. She gets referrals from physicians when their clients might benefit from sex therapy. She also makes referrals to physicians when her clients' issues might be solved medically. She said her services, like those of many other counselors, is often covered by major insurance plans.

Some of her collaboration has been with CentraCare Health and the adult rehabilitation center. Kris Lawrence is a women's physical therapist there who specializes in pelvic floor dysfunction.

"I work with people who have pelvic pain and that can lead to painful intercourse," Lawrence said. "Often, there's sexual trauma highly correlated with some of these issues. The mind and body are very connected when you're dealing with intimate areas and that's why it has been so awesome to hook up with someone like (McPherson). The issues we deal with are so intertwined and it's nice to be able to offer people a therapist without having to send them to the Twin Cities. It's been very beneficial to have her available."

McPherson estimates 75 percent of her business involves sex therapy.

Since people might not know there's someone in the area who specializes in it, she's in the process of building a new website to help get the word out.

"One of the reasons I'm so passionate about it is because our culture is so sex-negative," McPherson said. "Sex is everywhere, and it's negative when we don't talk about it. That's had an impact on individuals and couples about what's normal when it comes to intimacy and how they feel about their bodies. I have a desire to help people develop a good sense of sexual self. We need to make it part of who we are instead of this creepy little thing we don't talk about. And body image affects desire so much. I work a lot with desire issues or sexual style issues in couples and those are so incredibly common."

"So much of what comes in here is so normal," McPherson said. "People just don't want to share it. They think they're weird."

"Normal is like this," she said, holding her arms at length.

"But in this part of the country we think it's like this," she added, holding a finger and thumb an inch apart.

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