Boston Herald Howie Carr column [Boston Herald]

Jan. 03--Was somebody chasing you that morning, Crash?

You told us two months ago that you were going "around the speed limit." Now it turns out you were doing 108 miles per hour on I-190.

A buck eight? Where was the fire, Crash?

You claimed you were on a fact-finding mission to survey storm damage ... in the dark... at 108 miles per hour? And didn't you initially tell us your seat belt was fastened? Er, never mind.

And your statement (written, not in front of the cameras) was priceless: "The vehicle accelerated rapidly."

The vehicle? Please, Crash. Why didn't you just say you mistook the brake for the accelerator? That always works so well for the 90-year-old drivers.

Crash's cover-up is unraveling fast. And as devious as Tiny Tim appears, the Mass. State Police look even worse. Let's see, one was just lugged by the feds for allegedly extorting a bookie and another (a captain) took it on the lam down Rte. 1 with a cruiser full of beer with the local constabulary in hot pursuit. And then there's the off-duty Elmer Fudd out hunting who mistook a dog for a deer Saturday and opened fire on a woman.

These guys are making the old Mets look good. Next thing you'll be telling me is that there are four statie lieutenant colonels and two of them are brothers -- is this Boston or Juarez?

So the brilliant brass at the top of the state police -- and let's not forget Col. McGovern, their first female boss and a helluva an administrator -- told us that analyzing the data from the Crown Vic's black box was an "unnecessary step."

Yeah, if you're trying to whitewash some pol's dirty little secret.

The staties -- they left no stone unturned, except the one Crash was hiding under.

At least Crash tried to get ahead of the curve, releasing this bad news on the same day as the Iowa caucuses. But when you're bagged -- on a FOIA request, by the Herald no less, after a scandal-scarred police department tries to bury the case -- somehow you know the papers will find room somewhere on the front page.

You were doing 108 -- what, were you trying to get home to Worcester before your coffee got cold?

So many questions, so few answers, and they all have to be pried out of Crash and the staties with the Jaws of Life. Where exactly was the lieutenant governor fleeing from?

Another question: will Crash get the gift that keeps on giving -- a surcharge on his auto insurance? Can you appeal a surcharge to the Board of Appeal at the Registry of Motor Vehicles -- you know, the hackerama where Crash obtained a $62,000-a-year coatholder's job for Matt McLaughlin, the son of his boon companion, the oft-investigated Mikey McLaughlin of Chelsea, Billerica, Dracut, Somerville and other garden spots of the Commonwealth.

Coming soon to a front page near you: Crash's cell phone records.

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