The 4 Voices In A Sales Conversation

By John Pojeta

When you sit down with a prospect, you assume there two people in the conversation — you and your prospect.

However, there are two other voices at play in the sales process, and most advisors never notice or address them. Not accounting for those two extra voices, however, is like ignoring a third and fourth person in the room. Even if you try to shut them out, their presence is heard and can shape the interaction.

The four voices in any sales conversation are:

Your spoken voice.
Your internal voice.
The prospect’s spoken voice.
The prospect’s internal voice.

This idea was popularized by former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss in his book Never Split the Difference. He pointed out that when someone talks, quieting the internal dialogue can be a battle, especially if there is an argument or an element of persuasion playing out. This happens on both sides, so the interaction can be overwhelmed by the cacophony of all four voices vying for attention at once.

You may have experienced this in your personal life as well. For me, I can have a conversation with my wife, fully intending to give her my undivided attention, but a stray thought will distract me. A minute later, she asks me what I think about what she just said. Except, I didn’t hear what she just said. My mental dialogue overpowered our conversation.

When we can quiet the internal voices on both sides, the quality of the conversation goes up, and both sides can fully engage with each other. Otherwise, even if we do not completely lose control of our attention, those internal voices chip away at our focus and our ability to truly listen to what each other has to say.

In sales, we have our process, and we mistakenly believe that we have to think five or 10 moves ahead to navigate the appointment and move the prospect closer to the sale. When thinking this way, everything the prospect says triggers an internal analysis that can lead to us focusing more on when it is our turn to speak than on what the prospect is actually saying. That’s a key difference. We cannot just listen to respond. We have to listen to uncover the layers of messages that are packed into everything a prospect says.

And the prospect feels that dynamic as well. This fosters their internal voice and then you both jostle for position and try to feel out the potential relationship.

To quiet that voice for both parties, you must make the prospect feel heard and you must make the effort to listen yourself.

When a prospect mentions something interesting, such as a potential wedge point where you can point out that their current advisor is dropping the ball, fireworks are likely to go off in your brain. Your internal voice may begin to shout, “That’s the moment! That’s the opportunity to create the wedge that could lead to the sale!”

Instead of diving on it, ask your prospect, “Can you tell me more about that?”

This pushes the conversation deeper, which requires the prospect to devote more attention and thought to what they are saying. Their internal voice quiets, and yours can quiet too as you listen to the prospect begin to explain why they might need your help — whether or not they realize what’s happening.

When you listen to understand in this way, rather than listening to respond, you can quiet those voices and have a much more engaging, fruitful conversation. It’s calmer. It’s more relaxed. And it’s more sincere as both you and the prospect actually get to hear the content of what’s being said.

As you apply this concept to your sales, it will take practice and time. Start with being aware of when your own inner voice ramps up. When you notice that happening, shift your focus to the prospect and listen.

John Pojeta is the vice president of business development at The PT Services Group. He previously owned and operated an Ameriprise Financial Services franchise for 16 years. John may be contacted at [email protected].