OPINION: In memory of Lindy: From WWII to his wife's Alzheimer's, Hilton Head man puts up a fight

Jan. 18--Remember Irwin "Lindy" Lindenbaum.

Remember him as someone who was slammed into an unfair barrier to life's golden years but did something about it.

His beautiful and accomplished wife lost her memory during their long retirement on Hilton Head Island. She had Alzheimer's disease.

I'll remember Lindy as the first person to speak out to me in anguish about it. He described in very real terms the dementia that was soon to claim my father's mind.

After five years of witnessing dementia slowly take his wife to another world, the caretaker with no training wrote a poem called "The Journey."

He said the journey began the day he realized his wife of 50 years had Alzheimer's disease.

"It was a journey that could not be changed or canceled," he wrote, and no upgrades were available.

"It is similar

To a ship that embarks

From one port but

Never finds a friendly

Port to disembark.

It's a one-way

Delta flight that

Takes off, but

Never lands.

When I started on this journey

I didn't hear the words,

'See you soon' or

'Until we meet again,' but

Just a simple

'Goodbye.' "

Irwin "Lindy" Lindenbaum didn't hide it, but neither did he let it steal his humor.

He talked bluntly with me about caregivers -- the secondary victims of a disease now shared by 5.8 million Americans.

Lindy was not feeling sorry for himself when he told me that the first thing to go was Laura's music. She studied piano in New York, where they grew up, and after moving to Hilton Head, she took up cello and played in the orchestra. She volunteered in a Hilton Head special-education class where the children especially liked to hear her play "Let It Snow."

Lindy wasn't complaining about feeding her by hand or the hardships of the intervening years, like putting special locks on the doors because the person who used to be Laura would leave, sometimes unclothed, to wander.

He told me long-term care insurance is crucial. And so are supportive friends: "Not feeling sorry for me, but including me in things. That's what makes this tolerable," he said.

We published Lindy's poem in January 2007.

From that, he learned about Memory Matters, or more accurately its predecessor, Alzheimer's Respite & Resource.

There, he found resources and support for caregivers, and a place where people with dementia could get attention and be engaged in a variety of activities.

Lindy continued to play tennis, a main love that was Hilton Head's siren song. They decided to sing in the sunshine instead of running the Lindy's home goods stores built from scratch, first in the Bronx, and then Westchester County, New York.

He continued to dash around in his vintage Corvettes, including the 1989 'Vette he put Ferrari stickers on and called his "Ferette."

But remember this, too: Lindy gave back to others facing his own battles, even long after Laura's life ended in October 2007.

On Sept. 18, 2008, Lindy walked into Memory Matters in a new role. He was a volunteer.

He sat with clients -- guys who, like his wife, had journeyed into another world without knowing it. He brightened their spirits with his jokes. He talked with them, served beverages, did exercises, painted -- whatever their daily activities were.

Lindy volunteered there four days a week. He'd get there at 9:45 a.m. and stay until about 1 p.m.

He did this for 11 years, up until Thanksgiving time last fall.

Lindy died at his home in Bluffton on Jan. 11. He was 92.

A celebration and remembrance will be held at Memory Matters, 117 William Hilton Parkway, from 2 to 4 p.m. on Saturday, Feb. 1.

As a young man, Lindy served in World War II. As an old man, he fought Alzheimer's.

He knew that war is hell.

But remember this. Lindy did something about it.

___

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