Loving Mom is team captain for son’s colon cancer care

June 22--When she learned to sew all those many years ago, Connie Hudkins had no idea just how important that skill would be in her life. Twice.

The first time was when her four kids were growing up. Working from home sewing letters and numbers on sports jerseys allowed her to be home to care for them.

"If they had functions, I could drop them off, pick them up, from football, from diving, from swimming, whatever," said Hudkins, 52.

Now those four children are all adults themselves, some with kids of their own.

Connie thought she was done. Divorced and child-free, she could focus on her own life. She'd had her first child at 16.

Then this thing happened with Brad.

Her third oldest son was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer last year. He is 30 years old.

Brad's cancer forced Connie to rise to a level of caregiving that she never thought she was capable of. Those trusted sewing skills allow her to work from home once again, and care for her son.

-- Related Special Section: Surviving Cancer

Connie Hudkins is one of an estimated 52 million Americans caring for loved ones who are sick or disabled. An estimated 66% of caregivers are female, with an average age of 48 years old, according to research compiled by the Family Caregiver Alliance.

Hudkins takes her son to every appointment, and handles all basic household chores -- such as laundry and cooking. Doing so saves his limited energy so he can continue working at the Westin Detroit Metropolitan Airport hotel, and he can still enjoy his favorite pastimes: hanging out with their close-knit family or going to movies.

Brad Hudkins works in the accounting department where he's allowed the flexibility to make frequent doctors appointments and recover from chemo treatments that sometimes leave him so weak even moving a muscle seems unbearable.

Doctors say loving caregivers enhance a patient's physical and emotional health. That's certainly true in Brad's case says his doctor, Philip A. Philip, a leader in gastrointestinal oncology at the Barbara Ann Karmanos Cancer Institute in Detroit.

A supportive caregiver has helped Brad tolerate aggressive drug treatment, Philip says.

"He has tolerated the treatment well, so much so that he's continued to work," Philip says. "This is due, in part, to his young age, good health prior to this illness, a well- maintained positive attitude and optimism, and the strong support that he gets from his mother, his primary caregiver, who has always ensured that he is best prepared to go through his treatments."

Making time for caregiving

After Hudkins' children got older, she quit sewing and took a variety of other jobs: waitress and flight attendant among them. She had been out of work for several months when a company she used to sew for called in November to ask whether she'd sew for them again.

That was a month after Brad had moved back into their Trenton home.

"I'm not very religious, but I'm spiritual. This job fell into my lap, just when I needed it to," she says.

"It's nice that I don't have to ask anybody permission for time off or anything," Hudkins said. "You know, that was the reason I loved that job in the first place. But this time it's not for their sports events. It's to get chemotherapy for my son."

Connie Hudkins explained her dedication to caring for her son: "If it was me, I wouldn't want to go through it alone." And she's quick to add, she's not doing it alone. His siblings, her parents and other relatives are there for her as much as for Brad.

At first, Brad ignored the symptoms of the disease. Yeah, he'd started losing weight, but he was always a thin fellow. And his back hurt a lot, but when you're young you don't think anything major could be wrong. He never had a huge appetite so when he had even less desire to eat it didn't seem like a big deal.

But then there was that nagging cough that didn't seem to want to go away, no matter what he did. Still, he ignored it and his mom's suggestions that he see a doctor.

Then his oldest sister, Christina Hudkins, 36, who had been living in Florida moved home late last August. She was shocked by the weight loss that was more apparent to her than to family members who saw him regularly.

"I said, 'Give me your insurance card. You're going to a doctor.' " She found a doctor nearby and made the appointment for him the soonest he could get in -- the first week in September.

The doctor suspected gastrointestinal problems, but ordered chest X-rays, just in case.

The X-ray revealed that he had cancer. Mother and son cried together.

That was the start of a rapid-fire series of almost daily visits for various tests: chest X-rays, liver biopsies, colonoscopy and more for what would reveal stage 4 colon cancer that had spread to his lungs and liver.

He began ongoing chemotherapy treatment at Karmanos Cancer Institute.

But to this day they have not given up hope that he can live through it.

Always there for him

Connie Hudkins takes her son to every treatment; she is by his side as much as she can be, for every poke, prod and examination.

She would not have thought that possible.

"I've never been a needle person," she says. "Looking at someone's blood, hospital settings, they were not my thing. It used to give me the heebie-jeebies. Now, nine months from September, I actually help take the needle out of his port. We do what we have to do, I guess."

Since the chemo treatments began, Brad has good days, bad days and horrific days.

"There were days when you feel like you just can't move a muscle," he says.

For the first few weeks, only she, Brad and his oldest sister knew what was going on, at Brad's request.

Connie told Brad she needed to share it with her parents. "I said to Brad, "I can't do this on my own. I need my support too."

He agreed she could tell close relatives: her parents, his other siblings.

"Just don't blast it on Facebook," he told his mom and sister.

"My father said, 'His great grandma would want people to be praying for him, and if they don't know, they can't pray.' "

Not only did she feel better once she could share information about his illness, so did he. The family's love infuses him with optimism and hope.

"If anything this has made us all even closer," said Brad, a 2002 graduate of Trenton High School. "We see each other a lot more often."

Big Sis Christina has even gotten him to try new foods when they go out to eat at different restaurants; quite a feat for man whose idea of a good meal used to be a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat.

"I never thought about touching sushi, let alone eating it," says Brad, who discovered it's actually pretty tasty.

Brad says there was only one period when he felt emotionally down: when his hair began falling out.

"I'm pretty optimistic about things normally," he says. "But it was coming out in huge clumps. I'd be in the shower shampooing my hair and my hands would end up full of hair. Finally, I just went over to my aunt's house and told her to shave it off; get rid of it. I felt better after that. I think the hair was psychological. It was like holy cow! You know you have cancer, but you don't see it. But you see your hair falling out."

There are days when Brad feels absolutely normal, and he's able to go about his regular routine with general ease. But there are other days, especially after a round of chemo, when he feels so exhausted that getting out of bed seems too much to handle.

But he has been told that moving about, doing something, even on his bad days, is better than lying in bed all day. So he pushes himself.

And he gets plenty of help with the pushing from his mom and siblings.

His mom is like the team captain when it comes to his care. Christina is the head cheerleader.

"Every thing in your body says 'I just want to lay here,' but you get up and you find you get energy, just by getting up."

He's grateful for his mom's dedication to him. "Obviously, she's my mom. But it would be so much harder without someone like her. When you're sick and you feel like you can't move a muscle, she's always there, telling you you can.

"And there are little things. She knows I'm sensitive to cold so when she prepares a snack, like cold fruit, she runs hot water over to get it to room temperature."

His mom has actually benefited in some ways as well, he jokes.

"Prior to this, she was not the best at directions," Brad says. "You say drive to Sterling Heights, Farmington Hills; she would not know how to get there. Since this has happened to me, she's gotten a lot better with directions."

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