Kendra: It took time to accept identity

Sept. 13--Kendra Elizabeth Seavy, 54, of Rochester, has felt that her gender should be female since she was a child.

"My recognition was (at) like 6 or 7 years old," said Seavy, who's originally from Grand Meadow.

She was born male during the early 1960s, but lives today as a transgender woman.

For much of her life, all the way through her 40s, she felt compelled by societal norms to try to fit into stereotypical male roles.

But even as a child, she often felt the need to dress like a girl.

"I liked how it made me feel -- pretty. It made me feel feminine. My brother, I know it was difficult for him," she said.

An incident of abuse by an acquaintance, ironically, helped her come to terms with her self-identity.

An adult man asked Seavey as a little kid to dress up and pose in feminine clothes. Despite the abusive nature of the situation, it helped validate her prior feelings about wanting to dress in those clothes.

She became what many would consider a cross dresser, often wearing women's clothes as an adult. Her struggle to fit into society has left her living homeless with her dog, Onyx.

"I'm basically back in my vehicle with my dog and what little stuff I have left," she said earlier this summer.

Former auto mechanic

Seavey once ran a successful auto shop in Rochester that went out of business when street changes occurred.

"I would love to run some type of small business again," she said. "I would love to work in a business where I have the latitude to help the business grow."

But, despite her skills as a mechanic, she hasn't been able to get a job in her former profession.

During the employer's background check, she's required to disclose her previous names.

"When I hand those papers back to human resources, I'm outed," she said, even though her drivers license, birth records and Social Security card have all been changed.

She advises others just entering the transition process to become financially stable, and to have friends they can count on.

Social interactions can be touchy.

"If a nice-looking guy walks in, I think I'm a nice-looking gal for my age. And we can strike up a conversation," Seavey said. But, what if "one of the other guys knows, 'that used to be a dude'?"

Anger, betrayal and "then I'm at risk for violence."

"Should I have to tell everybody? Should I have to wear that label?" Seavey asks.

While she still presented as a male during early adulthood, she married twice and, today, has adult children.

Dressing in drag, transgender advocates emphasize, is generally for the entertainment of others and is unrelated to gender identity. Wanting to dress as a woman all the time and exist as a female is gender identity.

Seavey fits the latter category, although it took her time to identify and accept that she is a transgender woman.

She had suppressed her feelings, avoiding female clothing from early teens until she reached 17 in order to fit in.

At that time, she was driving a car when it crashed, killing two of her friends. Loss, guilt and shame haunted her for years. She says she has come to terms with what happened and realizes there's nothing she can do now to undo what happened back then.

In the meantime, she's experienced neglect, alcohol-abuse, violence, homelessness and failed relationships.

"Those are issues I have to deal with," she said. But, "my gender is clear."

She says she believes that, for years, her mother repeatedly said, "I don't understand why those nice kids were killed instead of you."

It was part of unrelenting treatment she says she endured for decades that compounded her struggle to allow her gender identity to unfold.

'Un-repaired birth defect'

Now, "I get to display my true identity," she said. "I don't view this as a psychological issue. I view it more as an un-repaired birth defect."

That is indeed possible.

Some apparently anatomic females, for example, are actually men who lack the testosterone receptor protein and are unable to respond to testosterone their body produces.

"These people develop as normal but sterile women, lacking a uterus and oviducts and having testes in the abdomen," a National Center for Biotechnology Information article says.

Likewise, individuals who are biologically male can lack androgen receptors and appear physically female.

Seavey didn't even know what to call the transgender experience until her late teens or early 20s.

Now, "I feel I'm living my life authentically, the way I need to live it."

It's a costly endeavor to do so. Hormone therapy many transgender women get to suppress hair growth and emphasize female characteristics is costly. Transgender people face expenses often not covered by insurance, Seavey said.

For example, gender-reassignment surgery can cost $15,000 to $18,000 in Thailand or Mexico, Seavey said. In the U.S. it can cost $20,000.

Second wife suggested idea

Years ago, her second wife suggested she think about the possibility she might be a transgender person.

Today, after following through on that suggestion, she encourages people to love others unconditionally.

"It took me 48 years to learn to live in my skin," she said.

After much introspection and study, she said, "I gave myself permission to love myself unconditionally. I gave myself permission to love myself the way Jesus Christ would love me. My faith is strong and my beliefs are strong."

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Transparent

The national TV series called "Transparent" becomes available for streaming Sept. 26 on Amazon Prime. It focuses on a dramatized father's transition to a transgender female (Twitter #TransparentTV) and stars Jeffrey Tambor.

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