Albany family turns to Internet in adoption effort

Oct. 19--ALBANY -- After years of unsuccessfully attempting to have a baby by natural means, and the heartache that comes with it, Alex and Amy Rolfe did some soul-searching and determined that adoption was the way to go.

Going through an adoption agency was too cost prohibitive. So, instead of taking money from people to pay those costs, they went to the Internet.

The Albany couple, who have been married for seven years, have been trying to conceive for five years, but have been unable to due to unexplained infertility. About 18 months ago, after their last in-vitro fertilization procedure -- using their one remaining embryo -- resulted in miscarriage after eight weeks, they began to evaluate themselves as well as the other options available to them.

"We had always considered adoption, and it became more and more right," said Amy Rolfe, who works as a photographer. "We did some soul-searching, and began our campaign three months ago."

After taking the time to grieve their loss and come to terms with the fact that a biological child was not something they could realistically expect, the Rolfe family went through the process of getting approved for adoption -- which included a home study, extensive background checks and examination of financial stability. They have now been approved for adoption in Georgia and are using website and social media connections to seek out a birthmother who feels she needs to give her child up to adoption.

At a cost starting at $35,000-$45,000, going through an adoption agency was not a realistic option, so they are instead relying on social media, the Internet and word of mouth.

"This is a more modern way of doing it," Alex Rolfe said. "Word of mouth is so useful with online resources. I'm from Florida, and I have family and friends who are tuned in."

Now that the family has been cleared for adoption, the step the couple is taking now is to get the word out there.

"We need to get the word out," Amy Rolfe said. "The more who know, the more (connections that will be used). ... We are talking with pastors at churches, and distributing flyers. We also have a website and Facebook page."

The couple have become increasingly aware of a need for children who need a stable home.

"I have a nursing background," said Amy Rolfe. "I've seen children born into the system, and it's not a good situation."

Alex Rolfe has no children of his own, and Amy has two children from a previous marriage who are now 15 and 13. He works for the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation and travels to Washington, D.C., frequently. The family accompanying him already has made valuable travel opportunities for the children. Amy has a career that is flexible, allowing her to be able to stay at home with a young child.

"From the perspective of moms, we have a nice, old-school situation," Alex Rolfe said. "Amy is a photographer, so she can stay at home; I work for the FDIC and travel a lot. It could have a lot of opportunities for a nice childhood.

"We read and watch the news together (as a family)."

The two teenagers in the family, Ross and Devan, have been actively involved in expanding the family, and are eager to do so.

"Our daughter is 13, her name is Devan," Amy Rolfe said. "She told me the other day of a raffle (she wanted to participate in) to raise money, and she wanted to put that money toward an adoption."

All the years of failed attempts, involving miscarriages and surgeries, were described as "five, long heartbreaking years," which have not deterred their resolve.

"Just because your body doesn't cooperate, that doesn't (diminish) your desire," said Amy Rolfe.

The family's love for travel may eventually take them overseas, they said, to expose their children to other cultures outside of Southwest Georgia -- should they choose that life.

"(We hope our children) will not be intimidated by studying abroad," Amy Rolfe said. "If our children want to stay in Albany, that's fine, but I don't want them to do that (because they are afraid of living elsewhere)."

In getting approved for adoption, the home study -- which can take months -- is one of the biggest and most involved parts of the process. The area's hospitals are community evaluated along with the family's background, including psychoanalysis and getting fingerprints into the Federal Bureau of Investigation database.

The next step for the Rolfes is making a connection with a birthmother. After that, an attorney has to meet with her and a judge has to grant the adoption.

"We are many months into this process emotionally," Amy Rolfe said.

The prospective adoptive father said he has learned to maintain a sense of resiliency.

"It's a multi-year process," Alex Rolfe said. "You can't wake up the next morning upset that it is not a complete process."

His wife said, through the process of becoming a parent again, she has learned a lot about her marriage.

"You have incredible highs and the lowest of lows," she said. "It's a lot to go through as a couple. It puts a lot of stress on your marriage and yourself ... you have to have a strong foundation in your marriage."

As a photographer who works at the weddings of couples who go on to have their own children, and also taking their baby photos, going through the everyday motions of life can be disheartening at times for her.

"My heart is being ripped out every time. It's very hard," she said.

Since taking this on, the Rolfes have heard stories of people who have been able to find a child to adopt through word of mouth.

"We had been hopeless for a long time," Amy Rolfe said. "This gave us hope."

Amy Rolfe said the experience has also changed her perspectives on people, and on what she has in her life.

"I'm more tuned into people," she said. "When someone is rude to me ... maybe they have gotten the worst news of their lives. I'm much more in-tune emotionally."

"(You) become appreciative of what you have. You have to wake up every day thankful for what you have. It makes me more thankful. I've also learned patience; I wasn't a patient person before."

Alex Rolfe has been able to re-connect with old friends. "There are friends I went to middle school with (who have touched base) ... They have been very supportive and helping," he said.

If putting their full hearts into this works out for the Rolfes, their hope afterward is that it will open up the doors for someone else to find the child they are looking for.

"(For the birthmother), there is a stigma with giving a child up," Amy Rolfe said. "(In reality), it is one of the most loving things you can do ... it is not something you are giving up, but something you are giving to that child. It's a gift.

"If a mother is interested, we would love for her to get to know us and what our philosophies are. There is a lot of love in our house and we want to share that."

More information the Rolfe family, including their contact information, can be found at www.alexandamyadopt.com or www.facebook.com/alexandamyadopt. The can be reached by phone at (229) 343-3029.

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