We can help couples find common financial ground

In the modern world, where everyone comes from different backgrounds and value systems, it’s infrequent to find a couple who are in lockstep in what they believe and value regarding money. It’s how they come together and do the work to identify common ground and develop a path forward where their values and differences are recognized and considered.

In all my years as a financial planner, I have found it more common that couples have divergent viewpoints about money, whether it’s about what they are doing today to enjoy what they are earning or how they will plan their long-term financial journey together. I believe, and my personal experience tells me that this is true, that a bridge can be built to connect couples who are financial opposites around understanding and appreciation of those differences.

As financial professionals, we know that working with couples with divergent financial approaches is quite common. These divergent financial preferences manifest in several key fundamental areas, including (but certainly not limited to) priorities, investment approach, spending and saving, and division of financial duties.

Priorities. People have different priorities when it comes to saving and spending. Some may want to ensure upcoming vacations are funded and college tuition can be paid (short-term), while others prioritize saving for retirement and future health care expenses (long-term). Neither approach is right or wrong; priorities differ.

Investment approach. Some people are more comfortable taking on additional risk in their investment strategy. Risk tolerance can vary widely within a couple, but it’s important to find a joint approach to investing that works for both individuals.

Spending and saving. One person takes a live-for-the-moment approach with their money, spending most of what they earn from week to week and month to month, while the other prefers to set aside a portion of what they earn to fulfill longer-term goals.

Division of financial duties. In many cases, one person in a couple often makes most of the financial decisions, leaving the other person in the dark about their financial situation when there isn’t open communication about finances.

When we encounter these couples in our daily work, we are uniquely positioned to help them find common ground before their differences become divisive or destructive to their relationship and, eventually, to their financial well-being. I have worked with couples with these and other divergent attitudes and beliefs about money. Here are a few tactics I have employed that have bridged the divide between couples and, quite frankly, made it easier for us to develop a long-term financial plan they both could embrace.

» Help them identify common goals and priorities. Each client must identify their priorities so that they can determine how to align their efforts and decide which goals to pursue first. Encouraging these conversations early in the planning process can reveal unexpected common ground and lead to a shared understanding of financial objectives. Once consensus is reached on the goals, outlining the necessary steps to achieve them becomes much easier and more pain-free for the couple.

» Encourage open-mindedness and compromise. We must help our clients recognize that financial issues are nuanced, often complex and sometimes emotionally charged. Our challenge is to find a financial pathway that works for the couple as a unit. The better we can help navigate these conversations, the higher the chance of finding the right pathway for the couple.

» Give them each a role to play. In cases where one person dominates financial decision-making and other money-related duties, consider advising the couple to divide these responsibilities. This can help ensure that both individuals have a better understanding of their household finances and what it takes to manage them. This promotes transparency and empowerment within the relationship, leading to better overall financial health for the couple.

» Ensure the plan meets everyone’s needs. Through your work, you help the couple find common ground and appreciate each other’s views and beliefs. When developing the long-term financial plan, ensure each person can see themselves and their individual goals as part of it.

Coaching and counseling have become increasingly important aspects of our work as financial planners. With the growth and acceptance of behavioral finance and financial therapy/coaching, our work has evolved over the years and now requires us to go beyond the numbers when working with clients. When we can successfully help client couples navigate their divergent money values and beliefs, we set them up for financial success and position ourselves as indispensable partners in their journey. 

Claudia Cypher Kane, CFP, CIMA, CPWA, ADPA, CDFA, is the 2024 president of the Financial Planning Association and is based in Roseville, Calif. Contact her at [email protected].