Grief: Walk with clients through their worst days

When you can walk someone though the toughest times of their life, you have a client for life.

That was the word from Amy Florian, CEO at Corgenius, where she teaches financial professionals how to support and communicate with their clients in times of transition, crisis and grief. Florian spoke on grief and how to understand what grieving clients need during the National Association of Insurance and Financial Advisors Apex convention.

Grief doesn’t result only from death, she said. Grief is triggered through any break in an attachment: divorce, disability, moving away from a home you’ve been attached to, losing a dream.

Grieving clients don’t need you to tell them anything, Florian said. What they need most is for someone to listen to them and give them the opportunity to tell their story. “They need to you ask questions that invite them to tell their story,” she said.

The typical response to someone who is grieving is “I’m sorry,” but that response doesn’t help the grieving person, Florian said. Instead of saying you’re sorry, ask questions instead. Ask them about their loved one; ask them about what they are experiencing or feeling after they received the dreaded diagnosis.

Offer to take something off their do-to list. Ask whether you can make some phone calls, pick someone up at the airport, arrange to obtain the death certificate, arrange for house-sitting.

If you are able to attend a funeral service, discuss some memories of the deceased with their grieving loved one, Florian advised.

When a grieving client comes in to your office, lead the discussion with questions, she said. What do you wish people knew about what this is like for you? How do you wish people would act around you right now? What is one thing people said that is comforting? Or what is something people have said that is hurtful?

Grieving is hard work, Florian said, and every grief is experienced differently by each person. The grief process is not linear and it’s not predictable.

After a death, the survivor is often bombarded by people who want to tell them what they should do with their money. Florian said advisors must tell grieving clients not to make any major irrevocable decisions with their finances until they have the time to think clearly.

A person who experiences grief must realize that they can’t go back to the way things were before, she said. “That normal doesn’t exist anymore. That’s one reason why grief takes so long.”

But grief doesn’t mean someone has no future.

“You still have a future; it’s just going to be a different future than what you planned,” she said. “But it can still be a good one. Joy is possible; healing is possible.”

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