Dealing With Alzheimer’s Patients Requires Patience And Understanding

July 21--Yvonne Gaddy has shed many tears recently.

Tears of frustration, tears of joy but mostly tears of missing the mother she once knew.

Gaddy's mother, 86-year-old Phyllis Gaddy, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease in 2009.

"I had no one to tell me how to deal with it," Gaddy said. "I looked for help, but it just wasn't out there. What do I do when she gets aggressive? What do I do when she doesn't want to take a shower or doesn't know how? How do I take the car away from her? How do I deal with it when she is screaming at me or blaming me for something I know I didn't do?"

There was also the frustration of leaving up her life in Mexico City, where Yvonne Gaddy owned two businesses, and moving back home to care for her ailing mother.

"There I was, in my 40s and moving back home," she said. "That's hard to deal with. Yet, I wouldn't have done it any other way. She is my parent and I will take care of her and do anything I can for her."

Nearly two-thirds of those with Alzheimer's disease -- 3.2 million -- are women.

More than three in five unpaid Alzheimer's caregivers are women -- and there are 2.5 more women than men who provide on-duty care 24-hours a day for someone with Alzheimer's.

"One of the issues for caregivers is the cost and the time it takes for an individual to care for somebody with Alzheimer's disease," said Susan Gorman, regional director for the West Texas Chapter of Alzheimer's Association. "Someone needs to have pretty much 24/7 care as they progress with the disease. So if you think about someone who has a mother or a father and they are working, what are they going to do? That's a huge concern. People are having to quit their jobs."

Among women caregivers who also work, 20 percent have gone from working full-time to part-time because of their caregiving duties.

The West Texas Chapter of Alzheimer's Association offers educational and support programs to address the specific interests of diagnosed individuals and their families and healthcare professionals.

Its education programs address such topics as basic dementia education, all aspects and stages of care giving, and issues related to living with Alzheimer's disease. The educational programs are also offered online (alz.org) and are available in English and Spanish.

"One of the most important things we have now is the help line that's available 24/7," Gorman said. "We have social workers with master's degrees and clinicians who answer the calls. If someone wakes up at 2 o'clock in the morning and is having an issue, there will be someone they can talk to right then and there."

Gaddy, who is the youngest of nine children, took care of her mother at the family home for three years before she was moved to SunRidge at Desert Springs in 2012.

"There came a point where I just couldn't do it anymore," Gaddy said. "It's a 24/7 job. In order to get help for me, we tried to hire caregivers and it just wouldn't work. She wouldn't allow them in the house."

Gaddy found solace at the Alzheimer Association and through a book called "The 36-Hour Day."

Gaddy noticed a change in her mother in 2006.

"At first she started losing things and experienced a little bit of paranoia but we didn't think anything was wrong," she said. "Then she started telling us about the people trying to get in her house. She would tell us stories of people being on the roof or people had been in the night before and they had taken showers and tried on her clothes. None of this was true, so we knew something was wrong."

Gaddy said it's difficult watching her mother slowly losing her ability to reason.

"To watch your parent go down this road of forgetting how to take care of herself and forgetting who we are is very emotional," she said. "We are familiar to her, but in her eyes, I'm her sister. She doesn't understand her condition, she thinks she's 19 years old and she's in a boarding school and these are all children and she's the eldest."

Gaddy visits her mother every day, which brings joy to Phyllis Gaddy.

"It brightens my day when she comes," Phyllis Gaddy said. "I really love it when she visits me. I enjoy walking and music and dancing. But eating and snacking on cookies is the best activity."

A smile breaks out on Gaddy's face as she listens to her mother talk about searching for turtles in the community garden.

"Humor is the one tool that people have to find," she said. "You are not laughing at them, you are laughing at the things they do, and that keeps you going. I try to find humor in what she says and what she does."

Patience and understanding are also important when dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer's.

"The main thing I've learned is you have to accept that they are not the same person they used to be," she said. "They don't mean to yell at you, they just get frustrated and they blame you and they turn aggressive. They are not there anymore. They are not the same person you once knew so you need to understand that and deal with that."

Victor R. Martinez may be reached at 915-546-6128.

Help is available

The Alzheimer's Association offers several educational programs. All of the education programs are also offered online at alz.org and are available in English and Spanish.

The topics include:

--Know the Ten Signs: Early Detection Matters.

--The Basics: Memory Loss, Dementia and Alzheimer's.

--Legal and Financial Planning for Alzheimer's Disease.

There is also 24/7 support and safety services:

--Helpline at 1-800-272-3900: The professionally staffed Helpline provides information and referrals, advice, support and crisis assistance from Masters-level clinicians to approximately 275,000 callers each year.

--MedicAlert + Alzheimer's Association Safe Return: A 24-hour emergency response service for individuals with Alzheimer's disease or related dementias. It provides a means of returning individuals with dementia who have become lost or wandered back to their homes and families.

--Caregiver Support Groups: The support groups are facilitated by Association trained individuals. The goal of the Alzheimer's Association support groups is to provide emotional, social and/or educational support to all group members.

For more information call 544-1799.

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