EDITORIAL: Short takes on April fools, Disney disasters, traffic tangles and dilly do’s and don’ts.

April 07--Funny and flat

Elon Musk might turn out to be the biggest April fool of them all. Days after one of his Tesla company's electric cars was involved in a fatal crash while on autopilot, Musk tweeted out a series of April Fools' jokes that Tesla was bankrupt. It was a particularly risky joke following the 22 percent stock market decline Tesla experienced in March.

Lexus, on the other hand, offered a doozy of an April Fools' joke, which aired as a real commercial on "Saturday Night Live" last week. Lexus presented the next level in luxury automobile transportation -- the "Genetic Select." This car is so personalized, it requires a DNA test so it can be built to your style and performance preferences. Prescription windshields eliminate the need for eyeglasses. And you no longer require a key -- all you have to do is lick the steering wheel's DNA sensor. Now that's an April Fools' joke.

Dumped by Disney

St. Louis' Emily Jackson wasn't feeling the magic when she got to the Disney cruise line's ship in Miami. There were Mickey and Donald and ... armed escorts.

Jackson, 22, is 25 weeks pregnant and had her doctor's clearance to go on the cruise. She was set to sail with nine family members when she was turned away at the Disney Magic terminal, where women more than 24 weeks pregnant aren't allowed to sail.

With their luggage already on the ship, Jackson told the Miami Herald, "they sent out guys with AR-15s" and a canine unit to make clear that the policy was non-negotiable.

The family received a refund. A company spokeswoman said that Miami-Dade police handled security. But that special touch of magic? Pure Disney.

Smells like spring spirit

When downtown's paid cheerleader Missy Kelley warns, "It's a nightmare," it's time to pay attention. Kelley, head of Downtown STL Inc., was talking about the possibility of traffic delays on opening day with all the construction going on around Ballpark Village.

Curiously, the Missouri Department of Transportation recommended that drivers on construction-laden Interstate 44 use Interstate 64 (Highway 40) as an alternate route. That's a big laugh, because eastbound 64 was down to one or two lanes near the Vandeventer exit, reducing motorists to a miles-long crawl during rush hour. And that doesn't take into account the shift of a 2,165-foot-long section of the Poplar Street Bridge.

Traffic, weather and the Redbirds. Ahh, springtime in St. Louis.

Dilly do's and don'ts

The Augusta National Golf Course takes itself very, very seriously. TV announcers are instructed to say "bunkers," not "sand traps." The course's signature egg-salad sandwiches come wrapped in green lest any unsightly white napkins escape hyper-vigilant trash wardens.

So it was entirely believable when the British golf website, Bunkered Online, reported that security guards at this week's Masters Tournament (which is, you may have heard, a tradition like none other) had been instructed to eject anyone in the crowd (sorry, "gallery") who yells the phrase "Dilly-dilly" as golfers strike the ball. Alas, it wasn't entirely true. Yelling almost anything can get you ejected. This is not the Quad Cities Open.

The people on Pestalozzi Street reacted swiftly to the rumor. "Dilly-dilly" is a Bud Light catch-phrase from a series of commercials last year. It means, roughly, "Cheers," but Augusta National will have none of it, the website reported.

To which the brewery's "King John Barley IV" tweeted, "Except for myself, I am against tyranny in all forms. So I have instructed my royal tailors to make 1,000 Dilly Dilly shirts that shall be delivered to Georgia in time for the festivities. For if thou cannot say Dilly Dilly, thou can still wear Dilly Dilly."

Stupid teenager tricks, Part LVII

We're late to this latest sensation, but The Wall Street Journal reports an outbreak of young people spending the night inside big box stores, bowling alleys and even Chuck E. Cheese restaurants. Why? Because, well, why not?

Some 1.6 million videos of young people taking the "24-hour challenge" have been posted to YouTube, the Journal reports. The idea is to hide when the store is closing, hang out until morning, upload video of yourself and then try to catch some sleep.

The problem: Once you've stacked the toilet paper into a fort and played on the slides, it's really boring and uncomfortable. Many kids bug out before 24 hours; those who hang in can't stand the Muzak. Stores, of course, are trying to crack down.

Still a trespassing rap is better than poisoning yourself with Tide Pods.

Score one for simple kindness

The British, world famous for their civility, have taken simple human kindness to a new level. Prime Minister Theresa May's Conservative Party government recognized that the saddest experience parents can have is to bury their own child. "In the raw pain of immediate loss, it cannot be right that grieving parents should have to worry about how to meet the funeral costs for a child they hoped to see grow into adulthood," May said in a statement as she announced that the government would set up a fund to cover those expenses.

We live in an era of sometimes harsh cutbacks in government spending, almost to the point where lawmakers have forgotten what it's like to be regular humans grappling with extreme hardship and loss. The fund is estimated to cost British taxpayers about $14 million to cover the 4,350 children under age 18 who die annually. At least the Brits haven't lost their sense of compassion.

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