Marla Jo Fisher: Frumpy Middle-aged Mom: My earthquake preparations for The Big One are, um, maybe not so great
I stole that line from author
I don't spend a lot of time worrying about earthquakes, but -- and I don't mean to brag here -- over the years, I have spent entire minutes preparing for The Big One.
See, after the Northridge Earthquake on
After all, we're only taxpayers. Our time doesn't count. Anyway, I'm standing there outside this building in imminent danger of falling down with my notebook and a pen in hand, along with hundreds of other reporters and TV cameras, waiting for the bureaucrats who haven't shown up, and I realize, oops, I really have to use the bathroom. I look around and realize the lavatory is in ... yeah, the red-tagged building.
"I'm certainly not going in there," I think to myself. "I'm not that stupid." Aftershocks were going off all the time and any one of them could theoretically level the building. But, as I kept on waiting for the bureaucrats who still hadn't shown up, I realized the situation was becoming Code Red. Sweat was popping out on my forehead. Finally, I just darted into the red-tagged building and made it to the restroom just in time. As you might imagine, I was the only one there.
Just as I was finishing up my business, a massive aftershock hit, and the building rocked and swayed. All I could think about was the reporters and TV cameras waiting outside for a story.
"Oh, Lord, please, I'll go back to church," I prayed. "Just, please, don't let me die right here on this toilet a few feet from hundreds of reporters and TV cameras, because I don't want to be anyone's headline." Well, I'm happy to say that the building didn't collapse and I did go to church exactly twice, until I decided that God was probably satisfied. But, as you might guess, I never entirely got over this experience.
You'd think this would be enough to make a prudent person prepare for the inevitable next time, and, for awhile, it really did. I bolted my bookcases to the wall. I kept getaway cash hidden in my car. I kept my gas tank full because -- hello -- when the power goes out, gas pumps don't work and then I couldn't drive my car as fast as possible to get away from the affected area.
I had water bottles stashed away and a plan. Rendezvous points set up with my kids. But, then, I got lazy. Nowadays, my only preparedness is that I keep some canned chicken from
The problem with earthquakes is that they don't give you any warning. It's not like a hurricane, where you still have time to zip merrily down to the grocery store and fight thousands of other people for food, water, candles and flashlights.
When I was a teenager, we lived in
But an earthquake is just there. You're having a nice sleep and dreaming about buying a new
Lately, it's occurred to me to stash some more cash in my car, since I long ago spent my rolling piggy bank. And maybe it's time to stock up on the essentials. I wonder what time the wine store closes tonight?
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