Elizabeth Wellington: The coronavirus conversation you need to have with your family right now
Confronting our own death and that of our loved ones isn't an easy thing to do in the best of times. But this week as we watch strangers, friends and loved ones fall ill and die during the coronavirus pandemic -- as of Wednesday, the
If, God forbid, we fall ill to COVID-19, surely we want our wishes followed. Now is the time to get our health and financial affairs in order and have those necessary conversations with our loved ones. Because we don't want to burden them with "what-ifs" when they are grieving.
And you shouldn't be burdened either.
Those conversations are tough. But here's how to have them, and what you can, and should, plan right now.
The key is to be open and honest with loved ones about your final wishes, said
For those from whom you need to gather information -- like parents and grandparents -- remind them that talking about their final wishes is part of taking care of you. "Let them know this is a very compassionate thing to do because you will need this information at your fingertips during stressful times," said Dr.
-- Prepare an advance medical directive. This document names your health care proxy -- the person who will make medical decisions on your behalf in the event that you can't. An advance medical directive also spells out your wishes of how doctors should care for you when you are sick. For example, if your heart stops beating, do you want a do not resuscitate order or do you want doctors to do everything in their power to save you? You can find a PA Advance Directive document at the Prepare for Your Care website.
-- Pack a day's worth of medications. If you get sick, you may be in the emergency room for a long time, Sudore cautions. And you don't want to skip your medication. Also, make a list of your medications that you can give your attending physician if you do find yourself in the hospital. You should keep this list and your medications in your hospital bag.
-- Have a hospital bag ready. When people get sick, they can get sick very quickly, Sudore said. And generally speaking, emergency rooms are not allowing visitors in. So you should have a bag packed with the names and phone numbers of your close friends and relatives that you want to be notified if you are too sick to communicate. You should also have in the bag your advance medical directive, a day's worth of medications, your full list of medications (and instructions on how you take them.) And information about any dietary concerns. Make sure you have an extra cell phone charger, and a pair of clean clothes in the bag, as well. If you wear glasses or hearing aids, place extra pairs in there, too. It's also a good idea to pack cash. Place this bag near your door so you can get to it quickly on your way to the hospital or emergency room.
-- Choose a power of attorney. It's important that you name a durable power of attorney. This person will keep your financial house in order -- pay your mortgage or rent, utilities and credit card bills -- if unfortunately, you can't. In a pinch, you can find a link to print out a durable power of attorney form here. However, it's a good idea to consult an attorney (virtually) to do this, says John P. Sanderson III, who's a partner in Sanderson Law Firm, with
-- Put all your information in one place. Bank information, insurance policies, websites where you pay your mortgage or rent, credit card information: all of it should be easily accessible, said
-- Make sure your beneficiaries are up to date. We often set up 401K's and IRA's and add a beneficiary. But then when things change -- say we get married -- we don't add our spouse, pointed out estate attorney
Social distancing has made it hard to have wills notarized and witnessed, but "the consequences of not having written instructions outlining your last will and testament can leave a family in turmoil," said
-- Make a list of your assets
-- List the people who are important to you
-- List who gets what
-- Sign the document
Most states will accept a will that has been signed at home in a pinch. But, because these wills weren't witnessed or notarized, they are often held up in probate court, Sanderson said. When this happens, it costs money in fees to file motions and track down witnesses.
Because wills are estate planning documents, you can now get them notarized without being in the physical presence of a notary, Sanderson said. But they must be prepared by an attorney. In the long run, that will be worth it, Sanderson said, because they have a better chance of being processed easily in probate court.
In the unfortunate case that your loved ones need to present your will to probate,
Writing things down can be daunting, so you may want to make a video of your wishes, says
» FAQ: Your coronavirus questions, answered.
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