The Virginian-Pilot Jamesetta M. Walker column
By Jamesetta M. Walker, The Virginian-Pilot | |
McClatchy-Tribune Information Services |
Wait, make that a box spring.
I was driving down a busy
Then, as in a tornado scene, a mattress came flying off the back of the pickup truck that was ahead of me in the left lane.
The next few seconds were a rush as my life -- and others' -- flashed before me at 35 miles an hour:
It's going to miss; it's going to miss. No, it is not. I can't go out like this. Think Jaime, think! Should I brake hard? That might cause a chain of collisions. Should I swerve to the left? That would cause an accident with the vehicle next to me. Do I swerve to the right? Best not, I can't take the chance of running off the road and overturning. I surely wish I'd straightened up the mess on my side of the bed this morning. I hate for someone to have to deal with my piles of paper, magazines and books.
Bam!
I'm still alive. Just keep going.
I imagined I was 18 again, driving a military deuce-and-a-half cargo truck. (That's 2.5 tons for civilians.) The mattress slid to the pavement, and I rolled over it. The van slowed to a grind.
I coasted until I could pull off into a parking lot. I got out and looked underneath the vehicle on the driver's side.
There was no mattress. Perplexed, I walked to the front of the vehicle.
There it was, partially stuck and protruding. I'd been driving down
I wrestled it out and, along with it, a piece of the underbody of my vehicle.
At that moment, I really would have liked for actor
Instead, a young passerby came running, out of breath, stating that he'd seen everything and asking if I needed help.
"No, buddy, I'm fine. But thanks. I've already dislodged the thing."
Plus, I was sure the driver of the truck would come back. If not to see about me, at least to assess whether he'd have something worth sleeping on that night.
I saw the truck make a U-turn. I saw the truck go down the road. I saw the truck go right past the parking lot. I saw red.
After that, I just wanted to see my way home.
My spirits sank lower when I pulled up and realized no one was home to comfort me. I closed the blinds, crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head.
An hour later, the gang arrived as jolly as the people in Pharrell's "Happy" video. Still balled up in bed, I made small talk with my husband. Somewhere in the conversation I uttered, "I was in a car accident."
"Did you eat something you shouldn't have had?" he responded.
"What?" I retorted. "I just said I was in a car accident. Why are you asking me about food? I WAS HIT BY A MATTRESS. Go look at the van; a part from its undercarriage was ripped off.
"But I'm fine."
Considering the aerodynamics and the volume of traffic, it's a miracle this was just a mishap. So sleep on this advice: When hauling things, secure the cargo that's on an open bed, especially if that cargo is an actual bed.
And, if you are the person who's missing half of your mattress set, contact me, please. I have something to bounce off you.
___
(c)2014 The Virginian-Pilot (Norfolk, Va.)
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